Prior to hooking up with Ellen DeGeneres, Anne Heche dated men exclusively. Now that Heche and DeGeneres are no longer an item, there has been a lot of speculation about who Heche will date next. Is Heche straight now that she is no longer part of arguably the most famous lesbian couple to date? Is she bisexual?
"Bisexual" is a term that gets bandied about like a birthday piņata. While the meanings of "straight" and "gay" are clear to most people, "bisexual" is harder to define. Some people think bisexuality describes a period of same-sex sexual experimentation in the life of an otherwise heterosexual person, while others use bisexual as a transitional term, describing the period that precedes a person's identifying as gay.
"Many lesbians and gay men have claimed a bisexual identity and later came out as lesbian or gay," says Lisette R. Lahana, LICSW, a psychotherapist in Northampton, MA, who specializes in bisexuality. "They may see bisexuality as a transition because that was their individual experience," she says.
Another common belief in the LGBT communities as well as in the straight world is that people who are bisexual are just "confused." Lahana disputes this notion. "Just as there are lesbians and gay men who later identify with being bisexual, bisexuals can also transition to another sexuality. This does not necessarily mean someone is confused," she says.
For some people, bisexuality is about much more than experiments or transitions. "I am bisexual," says Dana, a 20-year-old from New Orleans, LA. "As much as I am an active part of the LGBT communities, I don't want people to think I just can't make up my mind. I choose to fall in love with the people I fall in love with, not out of confusion or indecision. I choose not to choose, but to be who I truly am," she explains.
So where does this leave you if you are confused because you've had a Jill Sobule "I Kissed a Girl" moment, or if you've had a sex dream about your same-sex best friend? Experimenting with different genders during adulthood or childhood doesn't necessarily make you bisexual. In other words, a fantasy or a single experience does not define your sexuality.
"It is helpful to look at sexuality as fluid and on a continuum, meaning any individual can change their sexual feelings and attractions over the course of their lifetime," says Lahana. "This is often a difficult concept for people who felt they were gay or lesbian since birth to understand," she adds.
For many gay and straight people, bisexuality feels like a threat to their own identity. "Many people have had bisexual experiences over their lifetime. Having this history can feel threatening to their sexual identity. So one way of diminishing that internal threat is to disregard, reject or deny the existence of bisexuality," she says.
That's why it is so crucial to understand that everyone's sexuality is unique. It is important to accept yourself and accept your attraction-emotionally, spiritually, sexually and romantically-to both men and women, says Lahana. She adds, "These feelings can vary over time and that is normal."
There is a common belief that bisexual individuals are equally attracted to both genders. According to Lahana, this, too, is a misconception. "Just because you are bisexual, you do not need to be involved with a man and a woman at the same time to be fulfilled," she explains.
The debates and confusion about bisexuality are partly due to the various meanings the term has encompassed, as well as to the political aspects of sexuality and widespread homophobia. "It's not easy to be bisexual," says Lahana, "but there are joys and gifts one can find in claiming the bisexual identity."
The following are Lahana's tips for getting support if you are bisexual.
Sarah Albert is a New York-based writer and editor.
